CBT

Followed up with my doctor this afternoon.  He's not sure why the anxiety and depression seem to have gotten worse, rather than better, with this medication.  He said that medicines don't make these worse, only better; I have to disagree, otherwise there wouldn't so many different pills out there.  Anyway, we're going to try the 10 mg for the next weeks instead of moving up to the 20, and then see where we are.  He said we may switch to Zoloft if symptoms don't improve.  We'll see.

I finished my book Aspergirls, and it was really interesting.  A lot of things are applicable and really helpful, but still very general.  I've started getting more into the anxiety book, and that is turning some helpful suggestions.  I just finished the chapter on Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), and I think there just might be something to it.  I read through the different cognitive distortions and maladaptive schemas, and while they don't all apply to me, several do.  I'm going to work out a worksheet of some kind where I can track my thought processes for each distortion/schema and then figure out a way to improve it.  Can't hurt to try. 

I'm trying to stay positive business-wise.  I thought today about looking for a part-time job for while the kids are in school, but once summer hits, I'm still going to be stuck.  I can either work for 2 months and quit, or I'm stuck paying for daycare I can't afford.  So I would have to work more to pay it, leaving me with less money.  Counter-productive to say the least.  Ian's not pushing me to find another job, and I haven't even talked to him about this.  I know it's not what he wants me to do, and I don't really want to do it either.  One of the distortions/schemas talks about feeling unable to achieve/succeed on your own without approval/support/validation.  Definitely an issue I'm facing right now.

I've had a few more people RSVP for the spa night on Friday, so I'm hoping that goes over well.  I'd really like to take a decent donation to the Burkhart Center.  Positive thinking is the basic tenet of CBT; might as well start working on it now.